Wednesday, June 10, 2009

A Few Good Models

We, or to be more accurate I, watch America's Next Top Model most every Sunday while they've got the cycle marathons running on Oxygen. Jack Bauer and the doggies do their best to tolerate the fights, tirades, and tears. I'm mean really, what do you expect when you get a bunch of 18-25-year-old beautiful, tall women together? It is sheer genius!!! Entertainment galore!!! I can't get enough!!!

There is NO talking during a current cycle, but I am slightly less stringent on Sundays. Heaven forbid I miss a single word of the show. The doggies MUST be non-woofy. Jack remains in the room so that he can instantly take care of any doggie needs.

Apparently this past Sunday, Jack was feeling, um, inspired by Cycle 8 with Jaslene, Renee, Natasha, Dionne, and especially Brittany and thier Aussie experience. Jack loved, yes, loved, Cycle 10 with Whitney and Anya in the final runway. Combine judging panel with JAG, stir in A Few Good Men, and poof! Just imagine Jack Nicholson as a judge on panel. The following is my husband's interpretation.

Girl, we live in a world that has catwalks and those catwalks need to be walked by women in beautiful clothes. Who's gonna do it? You? You, Nigel Barker?

I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for Anya and curse Miss J; you have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that Anya's loss, while tragic, probably saved fashion and that my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves fashion.

You don't want the truth because deep down in places you don't talk about at parties you want me on that catwalk, you need me on that catwalk.

We use words like fierce, fabulous, and supercute. We use then as the backbone of a life trying to defend something. You use them as a punchline.

I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very fashion I provide and then questions the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said "thank you," and went on your way.

Otherwise, I suggest that you put on a couture gown and walk a catwalk. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you are entitled to.

Oh, Jack, you are so amusing. And incredibly tolerant.