Oh! Didn't see that coming.

I have been feeling good lately. GREAT actually. I feel like I've got this deployment thing down pat now. Work has finally become busy after 6 months of sitting on my tush. I've got the house-as-project going now. And I have a special little project going on the side that I am super excited about. Quite frankly, I've been feeling high. High and busy.

So this evening I am at my chair Pilates class, working my butt off, totally absorbed into myself and my body. Feeling fantastic about all the crazy things I can do with my plus-size body. We finish class I there is a small gathering of people from the reformer class all around one reformer. I don't think much about it. I clean up my equipment and start to put it away, when I notice that one of the students is holding another student upright. The woman being held looks to be passed out. The instructor, Tracy, is on the phone sounding like she is talking to a 911 operator.

Wham!!! I was hit right in the chest. A welling up of emotion overwhelmed me, right there in the studio.

You see, I used to be the person who would have immediately rushed over, taken charge, and told everyone what to do. That's the ER nurse in me. She's still there apparently, cuz there was a voice inside me said that's what I needed to do: GO HELP! But I couldn't do it. I just could not go over there. I could feel myself becoming emotional rather than focused and analytical - and emotional is not good for crisis management. And that scared me. So I hurried up and left before I started crying.

I drove home contemplating why that scene in the studio upset me. The only thing I could think of was a loss of control. I think I have spent so much emotional capital on maintaining myself and trying to prop up Jack Bauer for so long through this deployment that something had to give. And I don't have the reserves left to spend on someone else's crisis.

Now, that's not to say that if this woman had passed out right in front of me that I would have dropped her like a sack of potatoes, or that if I had a family crisis (and family to me includes my BFF and her family) that I couldn't handle it. Like we all do everyday, you handle your life as it comes to you.

But I don't need to be seeking out crises to manage. I got my own, thank you very much. My plate is full. I cannot take an extra serving of mashed potatoes without making myself sick.

And on my way home, I saw the ambulance coming.

Everything will be fine. I'm sure of it.

Good News from Iraq: 3 Jul 2007

From Fox News, Rebuilding Ramadi, Iraq.

RAMADI, Iraq — This week, we’ve been told repeatedly about the recent successes in Anbar Province and its capital, Ramadi. Every soldier and Marine we talk to who’s been deployed here before seems genuinely surprised that the level of violence and attacks against the U.S. troops has fallen to virtually zero. At least three officers have told me they’d be willing to walk down the street without body armor on, such is their confidence in improved security. One senior commander is even very keen for me to go and eat ice cream at the market with him. . . .

Now if we could get the economy going again there . . .

A card to a butterfly husband

I have had this card for a while and was waiting for just the right moment to send it t0 Jack Bauer. Today is the right time. Obviously, this will come as no surprise to him when it gets there in 1-2 weeks, but I thought I would share it with you all.

The card is white, with a simple, handwritten style in black on the front. There is a square with a hole in the side. There are 11 butterflies, simple in drawing, of various sizes and colors inside the box. There is one butterfly leaving the box with trail behind him.

Across the top it reads: "The BUTTERFLY of FREEDOM."

The message below is as follows:

"Why do you fly outside the box?"

"I fly outside the box because I can."

"But we KNOW the box. We are SAFE inside the box."

"That, my friend, is why I leave it. For YOU may be SAFE . . .

. . . but I AM FREE!"

The card inside is blank, as are most of the card I get for Jack Bauer. Here's what I wrote:

Dear Jack,

This card reminded me of a quote I across long ago. It is even more true today for me than it was when I was 18.

"You have to leave the city of your comfort and go into
the wilderness of your intuition. What you'll discover will be wonderful.
What you'll discover will be yourself." ~ Alan Alda

May you fly free my little butterfly.

All my love,
Butterfly Wife

I've had that Alan Alda quote up on my monitor at work for quite some time, but I first ran across it in 1990. It resonated with me then and has been humming almost silently until the last 18 months. Today when I saw it, it was like I had seen it for the first time. That sense of wonderment and awe anew.

Super Card Monday

Alright. I've decided to mix it up a bit here. Gotta keep MaryAnn at Soldiers' Angels Germany on her toes (not that she needs my help to do that). ;o)

Today I am sending an extra half dozen cookies cards. So a shipment of 19 cards of encouragement. That should put a smile on someone's face, well, besides my own. :o)

Running total: 162

(The colors are a shout-out to Wendy, whose use of color in her posts ROCKS!)

Good News from Iraq: 2 Jul 2007

From MNF-I, 27 suspected terrorists captured in raids.

BAGHDAD — Coalition forces captured 27 suspected terrorists, including an alleged terrorist with ties to Iranian elements, during missions conducted across Iraq Friday as Operation Phantom Thunder continues, U.S. military officials reported.

Coalition forces detained a suspected secret cell terrorist Friday in Baghdad’s Sadr City section. It is believed the suspected terrorist has close ties to Iranian terror networks and is responsible for numerous attacks on Iraqi civilians as well as on Iraqi and Coalition forces in Baghdad.

The detainee is also suspected of recruiting Iraqis to fill the ranks of Iranian terror groups operating in Iraq, officials said.

“Coalition troops continue to target the terrorists who bring explosively formed penetrators and other aid into Iraq,” said U.S. Army Lt. Col. Christopher Garver, a Multi-National Force-Iraq spokesperson. “We remain committed to dismantling terror networks that seek to kill innocent Iraqis and Coalition forces.” . . .

Today's Packing Progress: 1 Jul 2007

Working on the upstairs still. And will be for a while.

Let's see what I did today:
~ Took down 58 baseball caps off of the wall and packed them in a tupperware bin. Took down nails as well.
~ Took down pictures hanging in narrow stairwell that way I don't knock them down.
~ Took down pictures in kitchen.
~ Completely emptied 4-shelf folding unit of books and put into boxes of either stay or go.
~ Books going moved downstairs; staying books moved upstairs (for now).
~ Went through about 15 feet of papers and sorted what needs to stay and what needs to go.
~ Filled 7 heavy duty garbage bags with papers, magazines, journal, etc. that have not been looked at in years.

And I managed to take the doggies for a 30-minute walk and have coffee with a girlfriend.

All in all a very good and productive day. :D

Summer

Summer is starting off cool here in the middle. It is all of 69 degrees here at 9 AM. Very cool for this time of year. Soon enough, it will be in the 80s as the lows. I do not looking forward to these hot sultry days to come. Not much I can do about. So I will simply do what I can in the sweltering heat.

Since the hot days are not here, I am taking advantage of the coolness of the day. I will continue to work on sorting out the books upstairs. I'll walk the dogs before the storms move in. I'll whack the weeds in the back yard.

It's going to be a very busy day. I better get moving.

Good News from Iraq: 1 Jul 2007

From MNF-I, Coalition Forces detain 14, destroy two bomb caches.

BAGHDAD, Iraq – Coalition Forces detained 14 suspected terrorists during Sunday morning operations in Ninewa and Anbar provinces targeting al-Qaeda in Iraq senior leaders and their operatives.

In Mosul, Coalition Forces captured an alleged al-Qaeda in Iraq senior leader and three other suspected terrorists during an early morning raid. The alleged senior leader is believed to be responsible for directing rocket attacks.

Coalition Forces raided two buildings in Karmah looking for a suspected al-Qaeda in Iraq leader. On scene, the ground forces detained two men who had a stash of grenades and found two weapons caches filled with explosive chemicals and bomb-making materials. A Coalition Forces explosives team safely destroyed the cache on site, and ground forces detained three more suspected terrorists there.

Two more operations in Anbar province netted five suspected terrorists. Coalition Forces searched three buildings west of Tarmiyah looking for an al-Qaeda in Iraq cell leader and detained two individuals for their alleged involvement with the cell. Coalition Forces also raided two buildings west of Abu Ghraib targeting a terrorist believed to be involved in vehicle-borne improvised explosive device attacks against Coalition Forces and detained three suspected terrorists.

“We’re maintaining steady, deliberate momentum of capturing al-Qaeda in Iraq senior leaders and operatives,” said Lt. Col. Christopher Garver, MNF-I spokesperson. “We will pursue al-Qaeda no matter where they go in Iraq and each capture is a detriment to their ability to operate.”

The End of the Month

Another month is ending. Several months ago, I was waiting for April to get here so I could start marking off the days of my MLB baseball schedule. Now the calendar is half full of big blue "X"s.

And Jack Bauer has given me a date when he thinks he will be home. I am working on remembering to live this chapter of my life as it occurs, rather than worrying about the next chapter that is not written yet.

Well, I've got a whole heck of a lot to do in the next 2 1/2 months to get this house in shape to (presumably) sell when Jack Bauer gets home. I'll try to keep you all up to date with what's going on as "the end" nears.

Good News from Iraq: 30 Jun 2007

From The Fourth Rail, Weapons caches discovered in Thar Thar region on Anbar province.

. . . [T]he 3/1 [Marines] found three large caches on June 25 and 26. "The first cache reportedly contained more than 121 IEDs, more than half of which were already armed. The devices included 'speed bump' IEDs, often placed or buried in roads ... The second find was the largest of the three. A house search uncovered a room containing a high-explosive stack nearly three feet high draped in a United Nations flag. Battalion personnel estimate the material could have been used to construct more than 80 large IEDs ... The third cache ... [contained] various small arms munitions, a rocket-propelled grenade, 10 pressure plate IEDs and other bomb making material." . . .

A Library of our Personal History

Well I've started packing. I started with our books. Jack Bauer is a voracious reader of history, politics, and military related material. And he likes to keep books. I like to give away my books so there isn't much there I would classify as mine.

But this is housecleaning. Reduction is household goods. Somethings will have to go. I have to decide what stays and what goes. How do I decide what is really important to Jack Bauer?

The Dogs of War - stays. Federal White Collar Crime - goes. Black Hawk Down - stays. Secured Transactions - goes. Emma - stays. Adult and Pediatric Pathophysiology for Nurses - goes. Books on Reagan, Adams, Franklin - stay. Various (other) Fredrick Forsyth paperback novels - go.

I am keeping all books on the military and war-related nonfiction.

It makes me anxious thinking that I could be throwing away something that he wants to keep. But it is time to move on from our old ways and the books that trained us.

I quickly filled up 3 small boxes and made a trip to Lowe's for another 10. I better get back to work.

The New 'Do

I was over at Standing By, and Liberal Army Wife suggested I give you all a look at my new 'do, ala AWTM. Actually, it is really the same do and color, just enhanced, and dried straight which I cannot do myself. And in light of the picture I posted earlier, here I am posting a "real" picture of me. I actually took a nice one and sent it to Jack Bauer. But you will just have to do with this one for now.

Friday Fun Fact

I was telling a friend that I hate pictures of me because I never look how I feel.

When I got my MacBook, someone suggested I play around with the PhotoBooth. I had a great time taking pictures of myself because I could make all the faces I wanted and no one was going to complain. I love it. One of the features in PhotoBooth allows you to make all sorts of the distortion like you might see in a hall of mirrors at a carnival. But my favorite is the one where it places the left side on the right. A mirror image.

I snapped a picture this way that was a little off center and distorts my features just enough so that my face appears wider than it is (yeah, I don't actually have a double-wide nose or a double Hapsburg lip). I then ran it through a couple of different filters and voila! A picture of me that I really like, partially because I don't recognize physical self in it. In fact, I like it so much that it is my wall paper. I showed it to my mother when she was out here; she seemed very disturbed by it and just said it was bizarre. Hmmm.

The reason I think I like this picture is the butterfly appeal. Same on both sides. My hair is like my wings. The grittiness of the quality. The soft lighting. The longer I look at it, the more I identify with it.

Bizarre? Yeah. But that's just me.

Good News from Iraq: 29 Jun 2007

From MNF-I, CF find, redistribute al-Qaeda food store.

BAQOUBA, Iraq – Task Force Lightning Soldiers discovered a warehouse in the Khatoon neighborhood of Baqouba, June 23, filled with food seized by al-Qaeda from Government of Iraq food shipments to the city.

The stockpile of food was discovered as Iraqi Security Forces and Coalition Forces cleared Baqouba during Operation Arrowhead Ripper.

“The theft and hording of these essential supplies by al-Qaeda is just another example of how that organization seeks to control the population by depriving it of needed provisions,” said Col. Steve Townsend, commander of 3rd Stryker Brigade Combat Team, 2nd Infantry Division. “By these and other actions, al-Qaeda has made it clear that it does not act in the best interests of, or have any concern for, the people of Iraq.”

The Soldiers at the site of the discovery redistributed the food to needy citizens in the area.

The Cards Continue . . .

More cards going out to Soldiers' Angels Germany today.

Running total: 143

Good News from Iraq: 28 Jun 2007

I hate to keep repeating myself here, but the news is what it is. :)

From MNF-I, Iraqi Army destroys weapons cache near Nasiriyah.

BAGHDAD – Iraqi Special Operations Forces, Iraqi Police and Iraqi Army forces destroyed a large weapons cache during an early morning operation June 26 southeast of Nasiriyah. The cache is linked to a rogue Jaysh Al-Mahdi (JAM) militant group. . . .

After ensuring all civilians were moved to a safe distance, the Iraqi Forces used controlled charges to destroy the cache, minimizing damage to the surrounding areas. The cache included 30 60-millimeter rounds, 2 120-millimeter rounds, 40 155-millimeter rounds, 30 240-millimeter rounds and an anti-aircraft weapon. . . .

A Plea for Puppies

The doggies wrote a card to Jack Bauer this morning. They are so funny. I just had to share with you.

Dear Daddy,

We've been trying to write to you on Wednesdays. But last week we were soooo busy helping the plumber with the bathroom sink, we forgot. Good thing we were there to help, or else he might have not gotten the job done.

Daddy, when you come home can we get a puppy, or two? Pleeeeeezzzze!? We'll take care of it and everything. Puppies are just so special. Auntie BFF got one and we want one too! Pleeezzze, Daddy? Mommy keeps saying no. But she's no fun.

Hurry home Daddy because we need you. Mommy doesn't give us enough
attention and now she's been bad about walking us. :(

Love,
Moo and Bear

P.S. Cat says she's running away - teenagers!

My cards are here! My cards are here!

My shipment of cards, 80 of them, all with butterflies on them! I had a set personalized on the front. I suppose most people get their names on the them, but I had "Dear Soldier" put on. I think they will go over well for Soldiers' Angels Germany.

I tried taking a picture with PhotoBooth. It is ridiculous. I just need to find the camera. Here you can see my poor PhotoBooth skills. Sad, huh?


Anywho, this should keep me busy for a bit, maybe a month.

Good News from Iraq: 27 Jun 2007

Iraqis turning over weapons. From MNF-I, Taji’s “Neighborhood Watch” turns over another cache.

CAMP TAJI, Iraq — For a second time this week, a large cache consisting of improvised explosive device-making material and mortar rounds was turned over to Coalition Forces by the “Neighborhood Watch” in Taji, Iraq.

The Taji neighborhood watch contacted Coalition Forces June 25, after the driver of a truck fled the scene when the volunteers stopped a suspicious vehicle moving through the rural village of Abd Allah al Jasim. The vehicle contained 24 mortar rounds, two rockets, spare machine gun barrels, small arms ammunition and other IED-making material.

“This grassroots movement of reconciliation by the volunteers is taking off all around us. The tribes that had once actively or passively supported al-Qaeda in Iraq now want them out,” said Lt. Col. Peter Andrysiak, the deputy commander of the 1st “Ironhorse” Brigade Combat Team, 1st Cavalry Division.

The neighborhood watch is made up of a group of 500 volunteers, from a number of tribes in the area, who want reconciliation with the Coalition Forces and the Iraqi government. The volunteers are currently being vetted for possible future selection for training as Iraqi Police or some other organization within the Iraqi Security Forces.

Adventures in Real Estate . . .

Well, I met with our real estate agent last night to see what needs to be done around the house to sell it when Jack Bauer gets back.

Oh my. It is a long list. Of course, it was nothing (mostly) that I did not already know.
- Clean out gutters
- Scrape paint around basement windowsills and repaint; same with decorative window in attic and back door frame and kitchen window
- Put down gravel around bushes in front of house
- Clean windows
- Replace chewed up siding on garage
- Clean out basement; paint
- Sell all of Jack Bauer's tools (yes, I have permission!)
- Clean out outside drain at bottom of steps to basement
- Paint hallway and stairwell
- Have bathtub reglazed
- Paint chipping paint in bathroom, including tile
- Paint various places throughout the house to touch up cracks in paint
- Paint kitchen
- Fix kitchen drawer front where cheap covering has peeled off
- Clean out upstairs storage area
- Pack, pack, pack
- Organize, organize, organize

I will need to sit down and come up with a plan and execute it. Not "kind of" execute it if I am so moved, but really do it. I don't want this house to sit empty waiting to be sold or for me to be stuck here waiting for the house to sell. And horror of horrors, I certainly don't want the house to sell for less than what we owe! That would f*&^!ing suck!!! (Excuse my language.) But that is a big motivator.

I guess I had better get busy!

And if anyone has any suggestions/hints/ideas on how to do any of these things, please, PLEASE comment or email me.

I NEED HELP!