To blog or not to blog

Yesterday, I wrote about discussing the personal aspects of life on the blog, in particular intimacy issues. Many of you agreed with me and seem to appreciate me discussing the topic of sex and intimacy or lack their of. But I like to be challenged, and I actually like to see comments like this one A Soldier's Wife left.

Maybe it's discussing it opening on the internet. I'm not real big on putting this kind of thing online, more for the fact that I learned a long time ago how fast things get taken out of context and spread through the military via the web.

I have really good military friends and we talk very opening about this, about how past deployments have been, how it has changed how we view things. But I do think that the longer you do it, the more prepared for how you handle them later on. When you are young and are exposed early on to this, you make the choice to stay or flee, remain faithful or stray.

No one said loving a soldier is easy or stable, but it is a rewarding life. Being open about your feelings to your husband is always the first place to begin, and having good trustworthy friends the next.

And sharing it online, nothing wrong with it, as long as you are prepared for whatever fallout may happen.

Me, eh, I have a pretty tough skin now, but still, my regard for my families' privacy, my respect for my husband's position and the need to have some anonymity to do what I do within the Army is necessary, so I use the better part of discretion when I post about the more intimate parts of my life.

Infidelity within the ranks of the military is nothing new, but neither is infidelity itself. Our lives are just magnified because of who we are, what our spouses do for a living and how often we are separated....but people who take business trips cheat as well. Difference is they end up in B rated movies on Lifetime, we just end up in a TV show on Lifetime....which is over the top to begin with.

So here's my response:

I had a lengthy discussion with a friend yesterday morning about blogging on this topic and potential ramifications, and that friend's take was not all the dissimilar from yours. I truly appreciate your comments. I don't blog just to get people to agree with me. In fact I like to be challenged on my thinking. So your opinion means just that much more to me.

This is my first deployment. I am already almost 20 months into living apart from my husband, and another 11 months to go. (Granted I did get to spend some time -- 45 days total -- with him during those first 8 months.) I think that is an important distinction. If my husband had been gone for 15 months, this would have hardly been an issue for me. He would have been home by the time it came up.

I do not have any friends in the military in my daily offline life. My husband's current unit is 1000+ miles away from here; the next unit is almost as far. I am isolated in having someone to relate to about military life in general. And it is not just the lack of sex, the lack of intimacy, this also has to encompass the fact that my husband is off at war and in harm's way. So despite any local friends who may think they might be able to relate to some aspects of this, there is something inherently different about this. And I feel like I have no one who can relate to it.

I've been debating whether to blog or not to blog topic for at least a month now. And for me, this topic is not as difficult for me to discuss and does not seem to invade my comfort zone as much as talking about dealing with anxiety disorder and depression. My hesitancy to discuss this stems from a fear of violating our cultural taboo of not talking about intimacy issues in an open and frank manner. But I do need to check my motives for wanting to discuss this in a public format.

So what's the fallout that I see?

People will know that I have sex with my husband and that I like to snuggle with him and that I seriously miss him when he is gone. Who cannot relate to that?

Of course on the other side, people will see what they want to see, read into it their own agenda, spin it to be used against me or my husband.

I do want to know your thoughts on this. Tell me what you think. I would appreciate your comments and if you don't want to expand on this blog, please e-mail me (see sidebar).