Got plenty to say. Just not enough time.

Been SUPER busy. Which of course is a good thing during a deployment.

Here is the quick run-down of what's on my mind.

Got a massage yesterday. Very intense, hard massage. By a man. Many issues to discuss there regarding men - let your imagination run wild until I gather up the courage to discuss s-e-x here.

Today is the last day of class with one of my favorite Pilates instructors. I am giving her a butterfly card. She is the chair Pilates instructor and is wonderful. She has a great personality, is very encouraging and kind and engaging. And she is running of to grad school about 4 hours away. One more person in my support system GONE.

And speaking of gone ... I have an appointment with my therapist today and then only 2 more before she moves off the mainland. I should get some referrals today. Hmmm.

And I am feeling really, really tired of explaining to people my situation and listening to their advice about what I need to do to connect to people ... in person. Well, let's see, I have yet to encounter any milspouses in Middleville. And not for a lack of trying either. As I was telling another blogging milspouse yesterday ...

People [person may be more accurate] in my real life have expressed concern that I don't interact with enough real people. But these are people who are not able to understand military life and certainly don't understand how insanely isolated I am in this deployment. I could talk to 100 people today and I would still be isolated. So, yes, I spend a considerable amount of time physically alone, online developing relationships with people I hope to meet someday, people that understand what deployment means, who don't try to pass judgment on my military life, and not with people who attempt to justify their lack of understanding me, deployment, and the war in Iraq.

... So finding a new therapist ... well, I will need therapy for that process alone. I think I just might have to pray that I am led to the right one first. I don't know if I have the energy to "shop" for one. Same thing with "friends." Sometimes I wonder why I would even try to make new friends/relationships here when I have no intention of remaining here. I can move all over the world and my online friends will be right there with me. I don't know. I am just feeling tired and discouraged to look for new here. Develope and maintain old, fine. I love it. Just got an invite to dinner with some girlfriends. I cannot wait! New, it is exhausting thinking about it. Stumbling into it, fine.

I'll just end there because I am rambling now.